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Measuring Mom Success: 10 Signs You’re a Good Mom

by | May 25, 2023 | 19 comments

The term “narcissism” on this blog is used to describe a specific set of personality traits. It is not intended to be used as a professional diagnosis.

Ugh, motherhood, am I right?

How many times a day do you feel guilty about not being a “good enough” mom?

With social media, friends, family, and even strangers trying to tell us how to do our jobs, figuring out how to be a good mom can be confusing and frustrating.

The truth is, every mom is different, and we all are amazing in our own ways.

You may feed your child organic foods, while I sometimes allow popcorn as an appropriate breakfast choice.

Perhaps your children have been sleeping in their own beds since they were wee, while mine still takes up 90% of my double mattress every night.

But you know what we have in common?

We’re good moms who love our children deeply.

We focus on spending time with our kiddos and want to be good role models.

While you may feel like you’re failing at this motherhood thing, I’m here to remind you that you are not.

But, if that’s not good enough for you, here are 10 other reasons! 🙂

1. You Yell, But You Feel Bad About Yelling

Kids are purposefully programmed to not listen (or so I’m convinced) because a large part of developing their personality is based on testing and learning boundaries and independence.

That doesn’t mean us moms, as human beings, are expected to sit back and accept this. We are integral in helping them on their path.

I never yell at my daughter when she makes a mistake. Mostly, I raise my voice when she starts blaming me for things that are not within my control or argues with me when I’ve asked her to do something 745 times.

Yet no matter the reason for yelling, I always feel bad afterward. But that’s the thing about parenting – we have to do tough things that we don’t like doing sometimes.

Good moms yell for the right reasons – and then immediately feel bad.

2. You Question Your Mothering Skills

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If you wonder if you’re doing it right, then it means that you care about being a good mother.

Are you doing it right? Is there a right way to be a mom?

While you should never beat yourself down about the way you parent, questioning yourself every now and then is simply a reminder that you are striving to be a great mom.

That, in and of itself, means that you are.

I would hate to sit here and define what a “bad” mother is, but in my mind, it’s one that just simply doesn’t care: A “my way or the highway” type of person who doesn’t take her child’s feelings or needs into consideration.

So, if you’re wondering whether or not your mothering skills are good enough, they are.

3. You Want to Be a Better Mom

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A great mom recognizes her deficits and tries to do better.

So when you find yourself questioning those aforementioned skills, you probably find yourself also looking for ways to improve on them.

For instance, my daughter watches way too much YouTube.

It’s the one thing I question all the time: Do I let my daughter watch way too much YouTube?

The truth is, I let my daughter watch way too much YouTube. Instead of wallowing in this and chastising myself for not being a good mom, I try to find ways to work around this.

I decided to add value to the videos and have my daughter do chores before she can watch them. While I’m not totally shutting down her time to watch videos (which I think would be optimal), I’m having her take responsibility for them.

She’ll carry that into adulthood…right?

So just by wanting to be a better mom, you are a good mother.

4. Your House is Messy

Not like “post-apocalyptic disaster” messy but, like, “lived-in” messy.

I know this is a particularly painful point of contention for working moms!

When I look around my home and see my daughter’s toys lying around, my first reaction is to clutch my chest and breath into a paper bag. My house should be spotless, right?

Then I have to remind myself that these toys strewn about are indicative that my child has fun.

While she is expected to clean up after herself, I make sure not to hound her or make her playtime an inconvenience. I don’t want her to shy away from toys (and gravitate to the TV) just because playtime means eventual clean-up time.

It’s such a small thing, letting your house get a little messy, but is so indicative of a deeper understanding of and care for your child.

It means you prioritize your little one’s fun over the need to have an immaculately clean house.

5. Your Children Come to You For Comfort

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Storytime:

When my daughter went back to school after having schools closed in March due to COVID-19, I was expecting an adjustment period.

Within an hour of being home, she went into total meltdown mode. She was tired, sore, and out of sorts about any little thing she could come up with.

After talking her down and getting her calm, she crawled into my lap and fell asleep. She was seven years old, and I don’t remember the last time she has done this.

My heart grew three sizes that day.

Children seek comfort where they feel safe. If you have created a relationship with them of trust and care, they will come to you to seek comfort no matter their age.

They’re not going to seek it from an unloving, rabid rage monster. If they’re coming to you when they are in pain or upset, whether it’s in the moment or hours later, then you are a great mom.

6. You Give Your Child Everything

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Or, at least, you try.

And I’m not just talking about spoiling them with material goods. You give your child everything you possibly can: your time, your energy, a happy life, and good health.

Even if this means sacrificing your needs (in which case, I suggest you pay close attention to #9 in this list).

It’s just that…it’s such a natural reaction to motherhood. Here are the tiny humans we created, carried, and pushed out – why shouldn’t we want to give them everything?

Doing this is not great for you, but it is what good moms do – they just probably shouldn’t all of the time.

7. You Try to Make Every Day Great

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Good moms recognize that every day is a gift.

This doesn’t mean celebrating and cherishing every moment because “they grow up so fast”. It simply means trying to create positivity in every day,

After the aforementioned meltdown and lap nap, my daughter found something to occupy her time. It wasn’t until bedtime that we had our next moment together, so we laid in bed and told each other stories.

Here’s how mine went:

The point is greatness can be found in the smallest moments. Good mothers make these happen without worrying about it being a grandiose affair.

And you know what? Those are the memories your little ones are going to cherish.

Since I’m sure, we’ll never forget the cannibal teddy bears.

8. You Have Bad Days

Good moms aren’t so wrapped up in being “the perfect mom” that they suppress all of their frustrations and plaster a smile on their faces to make it through the day.

No, good moms have bad days because they are human.

And you know what? Great moms teach their kids that it’s okay to be angry and frustrated and have a lousy day. Imagine the emotional control this gives to children by validating their feelings.

It’s important, however, to also model for your kids how to handle bad days. Showing your kid how to self-calm and relax is far more beneficial than letting them witness a raging tirade.

Ultimately, we want to teach our kids that feelings are okay – it’s how you deal with them that makes the difference.

And by allowing yourself to have bad days, you are empowering their emotional intelligence.

9. You Take Time for Yourself

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Yes, perhaps the most important point of this whole article – it is not selfish to take care of yourself. Self-care is crucial in balancing your life and nurturing your true self.

You cannot be the best mom you can be if you’re running on empty. You need to take care of yourself as much as you take care of your family.

Good mothers find the time to take care of themselves and nurture their overall being. They know that it’s okay to put on a movie in order to enjoy a nice bath. They know it’s okay to ask for alone time to unwind and decompress.

We may label ourselves as “mother” but what that means is defined solely by who we are as individuals. Nurturing our individuality means taking care of ourselves.

10. You Can’t Say “I Love You” Enough

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Sometimes I’ll say to my daughter, “Guess what?”

And she’ll respond, “I know you love me.”

It’s because I say it to her all of the time (probably more than I really need to).

Great moms love their kids deeply and want to say it all the time. Not because they feel they have to but because they feel compelled to.

It doesn’t mean that they do. You don’t have to tell your kid 40 million times a day that you love them.

You know it, and they know it too.

Take a Listen:

You’re a Good Mom, Mom!

If you decided to read this list to make sure you’re a good mom, let me tell you this: You are!

But sometimes moms, including myself, need a little reminder that (despite appearances) we are doing a fabulous job raising our kiddos.

I know I add a lot of personal stories to my articles, so now I want to hear yours! Share your heart-warming or funny mom stories in the comments below!

Related Posts:

Let’s create a supportive community and navigate the complexities of co-parenting with strength and resilience!

19 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Thank you so much for this post! Dang, I had no idea I was a good mom, but now I feel like a superstar! This post is practical and encouraging and it’s just what I needed to hear today.

    Reply
    • Chelsy

      Thank you so much, Amy! We’re all superstar moms – we just need to be reminded from time to time. 🙂

      Reply
      • Avatar

        Thanks a lot for understanding so many moms out their who need love and support.

        Reply
  2. Avatar

    I think k this is exactly what I needed. Thank you!

    Reply
    • Chelsy

      You’re very welcome! 🙂

      Reply
      • Avatar

        I have a 2 year old daughter that alot of people try telling me how to parent.

        I try to gide her the right way.

        I tell her every day how much I love her and all the amazing things about her.

        She sometimes hits me and doesn’t do what she is told but I cope with that and talk to her to her level.

        But people tell me she is out of control or she has a disability.

        But I don’t think so.

        Then because I have bad anxiety and depression I Doubt myself as a mum.

        Every single day!!

        Reply
        • Chelsy

          I’m sorry that you are going through this. 🙁 Every 2 year old is different and some hit and have behaviors – if you are concerned, stop listening to everyone else and see your doctor. They are the only ones who can lead you to a diagnosis IF one exists. Otherwise, figuring out how to deal with behaviors at that age is a hit and miss. My daughter is 8 and I’m still trying to figure out ways to address behaviors when they happen to find something that works. It’s a shame you have people in your life trying to tell you how to parent – the best thing you can do is set firm boundaries. Let them know that you appreciate their input but you have a handle on things and if you need help or support you will reach out to them. <3

          Reply
        • Avatar

          You are very strong to share this.

          Also you are a very good mom…that’s why you talk to your kid on her level. That’s best we koms can do at all levels at all ages. So please keep on doing the same right thing.

          Reply
  3. Avatar

    Thank you for writing this article. ❤

    Reply
  4. Avatar

    I worry pretty much all day every day that I am a bad mom. I am really busy, I am studying, I live in an area surrounded by empty farms, far away from family with zero help- and i have 2 kids 16 months apart under 3. The worry of being a bad mom gives me panic attacks sometimes daily.

    I was bathing with the kids the other day, doing I love my legs because they help me to jump etc affirmations and my son just stopped, looked at me deep in my eyes and said ” you’re a good mommy, do you know that”.

    My life was just made better in that moment 🙂 and now when I start worrying, I just stop and see that image and it makes everything better!

    Reply
  5. Avatar

    Thank you for this article. I really needed it right now.

    Reply
  6. Avatar

    I have a two month old, almost three month old and I realized I do t know anything about being a parent. Yes, I provide shelter, breast milk, safety, warmth but I feel like I don’t do anything right and I can’t get him to sleep or be happy when he’s crying. It seems like a nice idea for him to have a little sibling in a couple years but I don’t think I could do it. I don’t think I’m capable of raising two kids. This is not easy.

    Reply
  7. Avatar

    Thankyou! Reading this made me feel good about myself as a mom.

    Reply
    • Chelsy

      You’re so welcome! 🙂

      Reply
  8. Avatar

    Best article I’ve read in a very long time. Thank you for reaching a large population of moms that clearly needed to hear this.

    Reply
    • Chelsy

      You’re welcome! 🙂

      Reply
  9. Avatar

    I appreciate this article so much! I have three teenagers- my oldest is graduating. I have dealt with all the beginning stages of parenting and didn’t always do a bang up job. I always loved my kids, but I made a lot of mistakes along the way. Despite all of that, I am so proud that at this stage in their lives they are comfortable to tell me a lot of things. They have said that their friends find it “weird” that they are allowed to say what, how and why they feel with zero restrictions. And if I did nothing else right, that is enough.

    A bit of context- I was 21 when I had my first child and by the time I was 24 I had 3 under the age of 3 for a brief period. My husband (we made it 19 years together and counting) was not always helpful. And that’s primarily due to being the only income for a long while. I went through the motions a lot of the time and when I look back my biggest regret was not living in the moment more. However, being young and not having a support system was difficult.

    My middle child, my baby boy, had a lot of behavior problems early on. I kept screaming that something wasn’t right and due to my age I was being dramatic. Fast forward to 2018 and he ends up diagnosed with ADHD & Tourette’s. At the time the doctor recommended that we get him tested for Autism Spectrum, however, this comes with a cost of $3000. We were barely pay to pay. Somedays we didn’t know how we would make it to the next financially. This was impossible. I called everywhere to see if we could get any assistance to help with the cost and got no where. I live in Canada, health is free to an extent. Mental health services for lower income families are impossible. Fast forward to 2022, we finally got my now 15 year by this time tested…. I was right so many more times than wrong… he was on the spectrum.

    Myself & my youngest also have ADHD- both recently diagnosed- and this was a huge eye opener. My point to this comment- bad parents don’t research, they don’t fight with medical professionals, they don’t call the teachers, they don’t care. So regardless of making mistakes, which we all do, if you take the time at the end of the day to be concerned you are already an amazing parent. Children are resilient and overcome most things that are thrown at them regardless of their age. They have an inate ablitiy to only see the best in you and forgive you for the mistakes you made. Most parents make mistakes out of love not malice.

    Love your kids, and do your best. And at the end of the day if you’re concerned that you did a bad job, you likely didn’t. Apologize to your children occasionally if you feel like you were over the top. By allowing them to see you aren’t perfect, they know it is okay to make a mistake. Cry with them, laugh with them, love them, and enjoy the messy floor and the completely ridiculous fights over things that you never thought you would have.

    Reply
  10. Avatar

    I really needed this…
    I literally googled “am I doing my best as a mom?” And this article popped up…I needed a reminder…cause some days I feel like I’m flailing around between a 12 year old, a 5 year old, and a 1 year old and I feel bad that I’m not honed in on each kid as they reach a new stage. This one needs to learn independence, this one needs to learn accountability, and this one is working on learning basic boundaries…it’s a roller coaster…

    But to add my funny story…
    My 5 year old looked at me the other day and out of the blue said “mommy, don’t say f*ck around me” ????
    I said “don’t ever say that word!!
    ……….also I’ll work on it son” so yeah…mother of the f*cking year over her ????‍♀️

    Reply
  11. Avatar

    Great post, thank you so much for the simple reminder and solidarity! Momming is so hard but this post made me feel better that I’m not doing a bad job. And I’m always trying to do better!

    Reply

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