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How Stress Affects Our Children And Why I Sent Myself To a Timeout

February 6, 2020
by Chelsy

How Stress Affects Our Children And Why I Sent Myself To a Timeout

By Chelsy
February 6, 2020

I can’t remember exactly when it happened, but one day a couple of years ago I was having a particularly rough go with my little one and retreated to my room for a quick lay down.

I was tired, stressed out and just needed a breather. Moments later, I could hear my 4 year old daughter rummaging through the fridge.

I just assumed she wanted a snack until she came into my room holding my bottle of wine.

“Here, Mama, for you.”

If ever there was a moment my heart exploded for my child, this was it.

She knew what was going on.

Although little ones may not understand stress, they certainly recognize it. And they pay attention to how we respond to it.

Now, I’m not saying that I hit the bottle every time I feel overwhelmed. My daughter knew I was at my wits end and was offering something she knows I enjoy. She was trying to make me feel better.

Children learn so much by imitating our behaviours. If we allow ourselves to give in to anger and outbursts whenever we feel stressed or frustrated, we are essentially teaching our kids to do the same.

How Your Stress Affects Your Kids

Studies have shown that there is a connection between parental stress and issues with children’s behaviors.

We may think our little ones are not yet developed to pick up on such an adult issue such as stress, but these tiny humans are very much capable of sensing our emotions.

They may not understand them, but they are in tune with them.

There are 3 reasons why your stress may be negatively affecting your child:

1. Stress Impacts Our Parenting Style

When we are experiencing high levels of stress, we tend to be less warm with our children. We lose patience very quickly and are more likely to harshly discipline our little ones.

Alternatively, when we are dealing with less stress, we are more likely to adopt a positive parenting style. We are more sensitive to our children’s needs and more understanding of their behaviors.

When we treat our children harshly and coldly, they are more prone to acting out and displaying unwanted behaviors.

2. Children Imitate Our Behaviors

Our kids watch us like hawks and learn how to behave by imitating our behaviors.

Back in my days of being an angry mom, I used to throw things when I was stressed and frustrated. I remember one day my daughter was angry and began to pick up things and throw them.

The funny thing was the way she did it: She threw pillows and gently overturned objects. I could tell just by watching her that she wasn’t simply lashing out because of anger – she was emulating my behavior.

I knew that I couldn’t be expected to hide my feelings and my stress since I wanted my daughter to learn that emotional expression is okay. What I had to teach her was how to manage feelings and express them in healthy ways.

Now I don’t throw things and neither does she.

3. Children Are Sensitive to Our Moods

Our kids are very aware of our emotional states and are sensitive to them too. They will actually mirror our stress, which causes the release of stress hormones in their brains.

Consequently, this does help with the development of empathy.

However, if they are constantly witness to our high levels of stress, it could cause health issues such as anxiety and mood disorders.

The good news out of this is that just as we transmit stress to our children, we also transmit love and care as well.

Related: Disciplining Without Punishing (Yes! It’s possible!)

Why Do Mothers Need a Break?

Why don’t they need a break?

I actually did a Google search on how mothers can take breaks to reduce stress and this headline was one of the suggested questions. I couldn’t resist using it here.

But in all seriousness, mothers experience ridiculously high levels of stress – and most of the time it’s not just one major stressor. High levels of stress are usually a culmination of various stressful situations.

We just don’t have time to deal with them all.

And when we don’t take the time to deal with the stressors or decompress from them, the stress can become toxic.

Sadly, we can’t eliminate stress from our lives but we can change how we react to it and how we deal with it.

We can do this by: A) Giving ourselves permission to takes breaks, and B) Taking breaks.

There is No Shame in Taking a Break

None at all.

Motherhood is a full-time job but there is nothing wrong with throwing your hands up and walking away from time to time.

I know for myself I often feel as if I’m abandoning my child when I need a timeout but it is an important exercise in self-calming that I want my daughter to learn as well.

It’s all in how you communicate this need to your child:

A seething “I can’t stand you right now” can be damaging and hurtful to a child. Simply saying “Mommy needs a break right now” helps to indicate that it is not them you need to get away from, just the situation.

(And you may just get a bottle of wine out of it, too.)

And you deserve to take breaks whenever you damn well please.

You don’t need to wait until tempers explode before taking some time for yourself.

Soaking in the tub while your little one watches a movie is a great way to grab a little escape. Personally, I like to lose myself in my writing for a little bit while my daughter quietly plays.

Finding those little moments where you can feel like yourself again is crucial in maintaining a balance as both a mother and a person.

The more you discover this harmony, the less likely you are going to lose your cool on a consistent basis.

You May Also Like: 8 Ways to Be More Present With Your Child

So, Go Ahead. Give Yourself a Timeout!

Set the timer, find your corner and give yourself some space.

Your spirit will thank you and your child will learn the self-care skills necessary to keep your mental health intact.

What is your go to activity when you need a timeout? Let me know in the comments below!

25 Comments

  1. Jess

    Thank you for this???????? uUs mommas need to hear things like this❤️

    Reply
    • Chelsy

      You’re welcome! If you need permission to take a break, you have it from me!!!!

      Reply
  2. Ann

    When I take a personal timeout I love to just go in my room, shut the door and sit in the peace and quiet! Haha

    Reply
    • Chelsy

      And it can be as easy as that! 🙂

      Reply
  3. Pheng

    I really can relate to this one. Mostly when I’m tired after long hours of work. We moms need sometime for our selves too! Thanks for the idea of soaking in the tub for a while.

    Reply
    • Chelsy

      You’re welcome! Enjoy your soaks 🙂

      Reply
  4. Erin

    This is so great! I think it’s still important for mommies to take a time out when they’re feeling strained. It’s also important to know your triggers so you can stop tension in its tracks, before you reach your limit. Learning my triggers has been such a huge breakthrough for me!

    Reply
    • Chelsy

      That is great advice! What a perfect way to avoid so much stress altogether.

      Reply
  5. Lachelle

    My little one is only 4 months but I’ve often wondered if she can sense tension when I get frustrated or I’m stressed. I definitely plan on taking a breather when times get tough. I think its also very important to hold your tongue and not speak out of anger during the moment. I like to read or take a bath to destress.

    Reply
    • Chelsy

      I love that you’re taking care of yourself and your wee babe! Keep up with your books and your baths. 🙂

      Reply
  6. Sarah

    Ahh such good reminders and we’ll written!

    Reply
    • Chelsy

      Thank you! 🙂

      Reply
  7. Erin Apple

    This is so great! Definitely a great reminder. We are all human. Thank you for this 🙂

    Reply
    • Chelsy

      You’re welcome 🙂 I think I wrote it because I still need that reminder.

      Reply
  8. Darcey

    I love this post. It’s so true. We all need a break from time to time. Sometimes I’ll tell my daughter that I need a few minutes to myself or that mommy needs a break. I’ll take a few minutes to read or work on my blog. Sometimes I let her watch a tv show while I cook dinner and that’ll be my alone time. It’s important to just have some peace and quiet. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
    • Chelsy

      No problem! Great ideas, by the way 🙂

      Reply
  9. Lorena

    Beautifully written. I think I will take your advice tomorrow =)

    Reply
    • Chelsy

      Enjoy your you time!

      Reply
  10. Elizabeth | Tiredmom Supermom

    I completely agree! My little ones can also tell when I’m stressed out.
    They usually give me space which is a great help for me.

    Reply
    • Chelsy

      And you probably did a great job teaching them that 🙂

      Reply
  11. Talya Knable

    Such great tips!! I could use a mommy time out right about now!

    Reply
    • Chelsy

      Do what you can to get one 🙂

      Reply
  12. The Sunny Side

    Everyone needs a break! This fall I took the motherload break and ran off to a retreat in the woods. Literally- it was that or MURDER (kidding, not kidding!)

    Reply
    • Chelsy

      That must have been amazing! And beneficial to the lives of those around you lol

      Reply
  13. Jen

    Ugh, this really spoke to me today! I am working on managing my empathy so that my kids don’t pick up on my emotions so much. I try to get some time to myself each night after they go to bed, and it really helps.

    Reply

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Your Stress is Affecting Your Kids - And It's Not Good - CyberParent - […] However “normal” we accept stress to be in our parenting lives, we need to step back and realize that…
  2. Understanding and Embracing the 7 Stages of Motherhood - Motherhood + Mayhem - […] You May Also Like: How Stress Affects Our Children And Why I Sent Myself To a Timeout […]

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