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How to Get a Narcissist to Pay Child Support

by | Jan 5, 2024 | 0 comments

The term “narcissism” on this blog is used to describe a specific set of personality traits. It is not intended to be used as a professional diagnosis.

When you’re dealing with a narcissistic co-parent, one of the many things on your plate to deal with is probably child support.

Narcissists don’t like to give up their money, and they will find a million reasons not to pay child support if they can.

Even if they are court-ordered to pay, they will try to manipulate that system.

It’s gross, I know.

But there are ways you can get your narcissistic ex to pay child support to help support your child.

Let’s get started!

How Narcissists View Child Support

When it comes to narcissists and child support, they usually don’t pay willingly. This is because they typically prioritize their own needs and desires while disregarding the well-being of others.

They may view financial obligations as secondary to their personal interests.

But this is the most likely situation: They don’t want to give you money because they want you to suffer and struggle.

My ex used to flat-out tell me he wasn’t paying because he wasn’t going to contribute to my “lavish” lifestyle (which was buying a used vehicle that I could afford and eating sushi every once in a while).

However, he loved to offer money when it came to buying our daughter school clothes or putting me through school (yeah, that was immediately turned down…and I have no intentions of going back to school).

He didn’t want to pay the money he was legally obligated to but wanted me to ask for money.

It was 100% a control thing, and this is probably the number one reason why a narcissist will refuse or avoid paying child support.

How to Get a Narcissist to Pay Child Support

I’m going to preface this advice by saying that you can’t get blood from a stone.

This means that if your ex is intentionally under-employed (makes too little to pay) or unemployed, you’re probably not going to see anything.

However, if they are making money, they are obligated to pay child support if your child is in your care the majority of the time. Here’s how you can get them to pay:

Talk to a Family Law Professional

When it comes to child support and someone who has the traits of narcissistic personality disorder, don’t rely on non-legal agreements. Even if you settle on an amount, either they’ll low ball you or not pay.

You should definitely talk to a lawyer about the legal aspects of child support. Share any documentation you have of agreements, amounts paid, and amounts not paid with your lawyer. This can be used as evidence in court.

Leverage Court Orders

Once child support is court-ordered, your ex has to pay. This is a legally binding document that everyone involved is obligated to follow.

They will base the amount on their income and garnish their wages if possible.

Enforcement Services

So, while all the details about child custody and child support are court-ordered in family court, the actual enforcement of child support usually happens within a different agency.

Once you have your court order, you’ll be given a case manager and file number. They keep track of all child support payments, whether your ex pays you directly or they have their wages garnished.

So if they don’t pay, these are the people you have to talk to. They have the power to take certain steps to encourage your ex to pay, such as canceling their driver’s license or taking them to court.

Document Everything

I mentioned above about documenting stuff to show to a lawyer. This is incredibly important when it comes to getting the child support your kiddo deserves.

Here are the things you should document:

  • How much your ex is supposed to pay (or agreed to pay).
  • When your ex is supposed to pay (an exact date each month).
  • When your ex pays and when they don’t pay.
  • Where your ex works.
  • How much they make (if you know this, don’t go digging around).
  • What they own (a home, car, electronics, etc.).
  • What they buy for your child.

Two important things to note here: One, make sure any agreements with your ex are in writing. This can be through text or email, it doesn’t have to be anything fancy.

Two, don’t go poking around for information. Just keep track of what you know.

Most narcissists are going to try and conceal their income or assets to avoid paying child support. They may also switch jobs frequently or purposely make too little money.

You can actually take your ex back to court for doing these things, but you need evidence. So make sure you document whatever you can.

What Happens If You Don’t Pay Child Support?

I already touched on this a little bit, but let’s take a closer look at what happens if your narcissistic co-parent doesn’t pay up.

Consequences of non-compliance with a child support order can result in fines, wage garnishments, and even imprisonment.

But before you get your hopes up that your ex will end up in the slammer for not paying, this is an extreme consequence.

I’ll be honest – it can be hard to get child support if your ex refuses to pay. I find I really have to be a squeaky wheel with the enforcement agency to get anything done.

However, those agencies and laws are there for a reason, and you should never feel bad about making phone calls, asking questions, and expecting results.

My Advice – Take It or Leave It

Here is my advice when it comes to narcissists and child support:

Be prepared to do it on your own.

I know they are just as financially responsible for your child as you are, but they are often shitty people who only think of themselves.

And you can’t change the way they think.

Do what you need to do to get the child support without directly addressing your ex. Chances are, they will see it as a sign of “weakness” or assume that you are “dependent” on them.

That will only fuel their nonsense and sense of control.

When I was dealing with the situation, I balanced my energy between dealing with enforcement agencies and making sure I could financially take care of my kiddo alone.

I know affording a child as a single parent is easier said than done, but don’t let waiting for child support hold you back from making positive financial changes in your life.

Dealing With Narcissists and Child Support

Yeah, it’s a crappy situation. I know what it’s like to want to shake some sense into a co-parent who is too selfish to take care of their child financially.

But you can’t, and you can’t change them.

What you can do is leverage a system that is there to ensure child support is paid and do what you need to do to build yourself up financially.

You’ve got this!

Have you struggled to get child support? Was there anything you did that helped? Share with us in the comments below! ⬇️⬇️⬇️

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