Single mom guilt is real and it can feel heavier than any other kind.

From worrying about time, money, and being “enough” for your kids, it’s easy to get stuck in shame.

What helped me was learning to give myself a break, focusing on quality time instead of quantity, and actually taking moments for myself.

And it can help for you too!

Because, let’s be real, it’s not fair for a single mom to feel so guilty all the time.

But for some reason society has put it on us to do all the things for our children—and it’s also told us that if we’re not stressed or guilty, then we’re doing it wrong?

You’re allowed to enjoy single motherhood and you’re allowed to do it guilt-free.

I’m giving you express permission!

However, to get there you may have to take a few steps:

1 Give Yourself a Break

Being a single mom means doing the work of two parents so stop beating yourself up. You’re doing enough just by keeping your kids safe and loved!

So give yourself a break.

You’re in this situation, and as long as your kiddos are happy and healthy, you are doing great.

Sure, they might not have fancy toys or get to go on thrilling adventures, but they have stability in you because you love them and are dedicated to taking care of them.

And if you feel that you’re not spending enough time with them, remember, you are pulling the weight of two parents!

It’s impossible to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and give your children your undivided attention every moment of every day.

So, when worse comes to worst, pat yourself on the back for keeping your children alive during the day.

2 Spread Your Wings

Remember that you’re not stuck! Single moms can find new income, skills, and opportunities that change the story for both you and your kids.

Just because you are a single mother doesn’t mean you have to buy into the stereotype that you will always be poor and struggle to provide for your children.

You have the strength and power to change that situation.

Spread your wings and fly!

There are so many resources out there that can help you find a job or even go back to school. Hell, there are many free online courses that can help you gain the skills and knowledge you need to pursue your calling.

And not everything requires a fancy degree.

The possibilities are endless, and you don’t have to be a victim of your circumstances.

Apart from making more money and providing your kids with more, getting out there will give you a sense of accomplishment, productivity, and pride!

3 Play With Your Kid

You don’t have to love playtime, but finding common ground and setting limits makes connecting with your child so much easier.

I’ll admit it, I was never one for getting on the floor and playing

And I felt horrible for not wanting to play with my kiddo. They’re an only child so I was her sole choice when it came to having a playmate at home.

But to combat these struggles, I came up with two tricks:

• Find common ground. There are many activities my child and I both enjoyed, such as coloring or playing Minecraft together, so I tried to encourage these from time to time.
• Schedule in playtime. Yes, I scheduled my one-on-one playtime with my kid. This way, I know when we’re going to play, so I can get my crap down (and get it out of my mind). Plus, there’s a time limit, so I knew I wouldn’t be stuck playing with LOL dolls for three hours.

When I started doing these things, I found my child required less of my one-on-one time and I didn’t feel bad at the end of the day for not spending time with them doing what they wanted to do.

4 Have Quality Time, Not Quantity Time

Even short moments with your child count when they’re focused and meaningful. Your child values quality attention over endless hours of entertaining.

So make sure that the time you do spend with them is quality time.

This is especially important if you are a busy single mom and don’t have a lot of time to spend with your kiddos.

That means putting down the phone and actually focusing on them and what you’re doing, even if it’s something you’re not particularly interested in.

I realized at some point that sitting and watching my kid play Minecraft is enough to fill their “love bucket” (their words).

I’m not expending a lot of energy or playing with toys I don’t enjoy playing with. I’m simply sitting there and watching and, to her, this is quality time.

Even now that they don’t play with toys anymore, my kid wants me to observe their hobbies, participate in them, or simply have conversations with them.

Plus, because our time together is always more focused on quality and not quantity, I don’t feel bad for taking tie for myself.

Which leads me to…

5 Take Time For Yourself

Your well-being matters too, and carving out guilt-free time for yourself makes you a better, more present mom.

I know it’s easier said than done when you’re a busy, but having moments just for you is important even if they make you feel guilty.

However, when you make more effort to connect with your children throughout the day, the less guilty you will feel when you do have time for yourself.

After I started really focusing on spending more time with my kid, they started going to bed without begging for me to stay with them.

This was a huge shift! And it gave me some well needed me-time in the evenings.

As long as you balance time with your kids with time to yourself, there’s no reason to feel guilty about doing what you enjoy doing by yourself.

6 Ask For Help and Accept Help

You don’t have to do it alone and asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

This is something I’ve had to remind myself all through my single mom journey.

I used to be too stubborn to ask for help because I figured, “This is my child. I’m responsible for them. I have no business asking other people for help to make things easier on me.”

Sound familiar?

But the reality is, there is absolutely nothing wrong with reaching out to others.

Asking for help doesn’t always mean getting something from someone else (especially time).

It can mean seeking advice, a moment to vent, or just emotional support.

And when someone offers you help? Take it!

There are also tons of resources provided by your government and community that are available—and they are there for a reason.

If you’re in Canada, here are some that can help you out.

7 Don’t Worry About Not Having a Partner

Your kids don’t need you to rush into a relationship. They’ll thrive more seeing you happy, independent, and surrounded by healthy influences.

I know experts out there say that children need both parents to grow up well-adjusted, but that’s kind of a blanket statement.

This study showed (yes, I’m bringing in the science) that having two continuously married parents wasn’t necessarily more advantageous than single parent households.

In fact, children from high-conflict married-parent families were at greater risk of dropping out of high school, binge drinking, and having bad relationships later in life.

So the bottom line is:

Your children are better off in a one parent household that is peaceful than a two parent household that is chaotic.

I used to feel bad for my child not having a consistent male figure in their life—but the alternative of bringing in any old anybody was not worth the risk to our peace.

Instead, I focused on surrounding myself with friends that I knew would have a positive influence on my child (who all, consequently, became friend-aunts!).

My kiddo also has a couple of amazing friend-uncles, an uncle, and a grandfather who are good for them.

So the point is that you don’t have to feel bad for that missing piece.

In the end, it’s better for your child to see you alone, happy, and independent than in a miserable relationship.

8 Stop Comparing Yourself to Other Moms

Other moms’ highlight reels don’t define your worth. Focus on your own wins instead of measuring against social media!

Social media makes it so easy to showcase moms’ lives as “perfect”—and just as easy for us to look at these moms and feel like shit because we’re not doing as well as they are.

I found a study that looked at how mothers were negatively affected and supported by Instagram.

They found that those with “higher levels of social comparison orientation” (a fancy way of saying they had a greater tendency to compare themselves to others) were more negatively affected.

Results also suggested that mothers are negatively affected by upward comparisons with the idealized picture presented in some posts and by some parents on Instagram.

I mean, duh, but it’s worth pointing out that this is happening all across the board.

The best way to stop feeling guilty over what other moms are doing is to tell yourself that anything online can be staged or faked.

What we’re seeing is either not real or the very best of their life, which doesn’t show the reality of parenting.

So don’t validate your success as a single mom based on what you see you social media.

That’s not what mothering is supposed to look like on a daily basis.

9 Mistakes Are Learning Opportunities

Every mistakes is a change for you to adjust and grow. They don’t make you a bad mom—they make you human.

I mean, kids do not come with a handbook, so parenting is all about figuring shit out as you go along.

And, when you’re a single mom, this means figuring it out alone.

So, you’re going to make mistakes. The important thing is that you take those mistakes as learning opportunities, and you put in the effort to make changes.

For me, I made the mistake of relying on YouTube to entertain my child so I could get work done or simply relax. Now, they are a screen-aholic.

Which I know is par for the course when it comes to today’s youth, but I still feel bad.

I’m just not beating myself up about it.

I used it as an opportunity to learn more about parental kids, online safety, and ways I can let them have their screens without overuse and potential dangers.

If you want to see your mistakes as devastating life-halting moments, then you’re going to continue to wallow in single mom guilt.

Take them as opportunities to learn and grow as a mother.

We’re all out here trying to figure it out together!

10 Don’t Make Friends With Your Guilt

Challenge your guilt with truth and perspective, and remind yourself daily that you’re already a great mom!

Just because feeling guilty as a single mom is part of the “experience” doesn’t mean you have to accept it as normal and live with it every day.

You don’t have to accept guilt into your life.

To work against my guilt and banish it from my life, I started “butting” it.

For example, if I said to myself, “I feel bad that I don’t have enough money to spoil my kid,” I would follow it with, “but they have everything they need.”

“I feel bad that I don’t make my kid eat more healthy foods, but they do make some good food choices and is healthy.”

“I feel bad that I don’t have the energy to play with them in the snow but they get to at school and sometimes we do.”

Instead of justifying your guilt, push back against it.

Remind yourself that you are making good parenting choices and that you are a fantastic mom.

Kick Single Mom Guilt to the Curb!

Letting go of single mom guilt isn’t about being perfect.

It’s about giving yourself grace, focusing on quality time with your kids, taking care of yourself, asking for help, and refusing to compare.

When you do these things, you’ll end up dropping the guilt and enjoying a more confident and joyful single mom life!