Parallel parenting is often the best way to deal with a difficult or toxic co-parent.

In a nutshell, it involves limiting communication and focusing on your own parenting in order to reduce conflict.

It’s an alternative to co-parenting that helps when the other parent won’t cooperate or purposefully does things to cause arguments and chaos.

Now, the best situation is one where you and their other parent get along in a way that is civil and respectful.

However, not all of us have that luxury.

Parallel parenting may not be perfect, but it will protect your kids from stress and nonsense.

Let’s talk about how to parallel parenting effectively and how you can use it to keep your children safe and happy.

How Do You Parallel Parent Effectively?

Okay, so before we get into exactly what your child needs, let’s talk about how to parallel parent the right way.

Well, there really isn’t a “right” way, but there are definitely ways you can make it more effective.

Here are some strategies that make parallel parenting effective:

• Limit Communication to Written Forms: Communicating through text or email keeps your child away from arguments, and reading nasty things instead of hearing them is less stressful for you. Also, it gives you proof of what is said.
• Keep Your Feelings in Check: Parallel parenting can help with your emotional regulation, which will help you avoid arguments or disputes. It will also help you model better conflict resolution skills for your kiddo.
• Stick to the Parenting Plan: Whether you have a legal agreement or not, make sure you stick to it as closely as possible to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings. This will also provide consistency for your child.
• Focus on Your Child: Toxic co-parents can take up a lot of your time and energy, but make sure your priority is always your child. Focus on their needs and interests instead of what your ex is doing.

Overall, parallel parenting involves maintaining a strict boundary between you and your ex-partner while making sure that your child’s needs are met.

It’s all about limiting communication in order to reduce conflict and stress in your and your child’s life.

How Does Parallel Parenting Affect a Child?

While parallel parenting is the best thing you can do when trying to co-parent with a narcissist, it’s not without its pitfalls.

Parallel parenting reduces stress because your child is less likely to feel caught up in the middle of disputes, which reduces the risk of stress and anxiety.

It also provides a stable environment for your child by creating a consistent routine and, again, reducing their exposure to conflict.

However, parallel parenting means that you and your ex parent your child as you choose, without getting into each other’s business about it.

(Unless your child is being harmed in any way!)

This can lead to confusion for your child if you and your ex have different rules or expectations.

Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do about this since your ex is probably never going to get on the same parenting page as you.

But you can focus on providing stability and fairness in your home – your kid will catch on eventually.

Even with this inconsistency of rules and expectations, the conflict reduction parallel parenting offers is well worth it for the well-being of your child!

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What Do Kids Need From Both Parents?

While parallel parenting aims to minimize direct contact between parents, children still need support and involvement from both sides.

They need love, emotional support, consistency, quality time, and communication.

However, you and I both know that they are not likely to receive any or all of these things from a narcissistic parent.

So, what can you do to help support your child?

Let’s take a closer look at what your child needs from both parents and how you can make things better for them:

Love and Emotional Support

The Challenge: Narcissistic parents often prioritize their own needs and desires over their child’s emotions. They typically lack empathy and struggle to provide genuine emotional support.

What You Can Do: Be the consistent source of love and support in your child’s life. Reassure them that you’re there to listen, validate their feelings, and offer comfort when they need it. Encourage them to express their feelings freely without fear of judgment.

Consistency

The Challenge: Narcissistic parents may be unpredictable in their behavior and rules, which can leave a child feeling anxious and confused.

What You Can Do: Like I mentioned before, establish clear and consistent rules and routines in your own household. This will provide your child with a sense of stability and predictability, making them feel safer. 

Quality Time

The Challenge: Narcissistic parents may be self-absorbed, leaving little time for quality interactions with their child.

What You Can Do: Dedicate quality one-on-one time with your child. Engage in activities they enjoy, ask about their interests, and create special moments together.

Communication

The Challenge: Narcissistic parents may not prioritize open and honest communication with their child, making it difficult for the child to express their feelings and concerns.

What You Can Do: Foster a safe space for your child to communicate and let them know they can talk to you about anything without fear of consequences. Be a good listener and validate their feelings. 

Reassurance

The Challenge: Children of narcissistic parents may internalize blame or feel unloved due to their parent’s self-centered behavior.

What You Can Do: Continuously reassure your child that they are not responsible for the behavior of their narcissistic parent. Let them know that both parents love them, even if one struggles to show it.

So, What Does Your Child Need While Parallel Parenting?

Your child needs you to prioritize them.

I know that juggling parenting plans and ridiculous ploys to start arguments is enough work, but your child needs to be at the center of parallel parenting.

Just remember that everything you do while parallel parenting, from limiting communication to establishing boundaries, benefits your child.

But on top of that, make sure you are giving them the emotional support and consistency they will likely not receive from their other parent.

Parallel parenting takes a lot of energy, and it’s not fair that we have to put in so much extra effort to keep our exes from destroying our children, but this is our job.

And parallel parenting helps us do the best we can!

Putting Your Child First: Parallel Parenting with Love and Care

So, there you go! I hope this helps you better understand how to effectively parallel parenting so that your child is the winner.

Parallel parenting is challenging, but by focusing on your child’s needs, you can provide a stable and loving environment for your child – even in a high-conflict co-parenting situation.

You’ve got this! <3

• Co-Parenting 101
• Co-Parenting With a Narcissist
• Co-Parenting Boundaries to Keep Your Sanity
• How to Put Your Kids First While Co-Parenting