I liken becoming a mom to putting my entire life into a blender and hitting frappé.
Or following Alice down the rabbit hole into Wonderland.
Either way, most days have me feeling like I’m taking crazy pills.
Nothing prepared me for the insanity of motherhood – but gosh-be-damned if I wasn’t going to try and figure it all out. Now, after seven years, I feel like I’m about 3% there.
What I did figure out is how much of my own insanity I was causing myself. Yes, having children is chaotic, but most of the stress we experience as mothers is of our own doing.
Sorry, but it’s true.
However, knowing this now means that you have the power to take control of your mom life and bring back a sense of sanity to yourself.
How, you ask? By not doing these 12 things:
1. Stop Ignoring Your Self Care
Remember that person you were before you become a mom? She’s still in there, somewhere, and she needs some love to.
I’ll never stop talking about how important self care is because it’s true – if you don’t take care of yourself, and indulge in the things you loved to do before becoming a parent, you will burnout.
So, in order to keep your sanity, please take care of yourself.
If you’re not sure where to start, check out all of my articles about self care.
2. Stop Holding in Your Frustrations
Somewhere along the line it has become expected that moms keep their cool and stay calm no matter the situation.
I call malarkey on this! We are human beings with feelings and we should never feel bad about expressing them.
The important thing is how you express them – whether you have honest conversations with your family members, vent to friends or write out your frustrations in a journal.
No matter how you get your frustrations out, you should never let them build up inside. This will only lead to resentment and an eventual emotional breakdown.
3. Stop Doing it All Yourself
You are a super mom, but you are not Super Mom. She doesn’t exist so you should just stop trying to be her.
Matriarchs are notorious for taking on all the responsibilities of raising a family, but times are changing. No longer are you expected to shoulder the brunt of domestic living and child-rearing.
So stop doing it all yourself. Let the other warm bodies in your home pick up the slack and take on some responsibility. They do live there too.
And, while you’re at it, starting learning how to say “no” to people. When your plate is overflowing with your own crap, you are under no obligation to take on the crap of others.
4. Stop Multitasking
There are not enough hours in the day, I know, but the more you try to pile tasks atop each other, the quicker your system is going to collapse around you.
Instead of spreading yourself too thin, try to pair mundane tasks with more low-key activities – such as folding the laundry while you watch Netflix or helping your child with homework while supper cooks.
When you try to take on too many physical tasks at once, your brain gets overloaded and you actually end up spending less attention on what you’re trying to get done.
5. Stop Wasting Time on Household Responsibilities
Why are you cleaning everything when your kids can easily follow a chore chart?
And why are you cooking fresh meals everyday when you can batch cook and freeze meals ahead of time?
The wonderful thing about the interwebs is that there are #MomHacks everywhere! Take advantage of these time-savers – they will make your life infinitely easier.
There’s no shame in cutting corners.
6. Stop Comparing Yourself to Other Moms
Social media can become a dangerous rabbit-hole of comparison when it comes to paying attention to the lives of other moms.
Just remember that what people show the world, and what goes on behind closed doors, can be two very different things.
The more you try to live up to these “perfect” moms, the more you will fail because perfection doesn’t exist. Anyone who tries to come off as perfect is a huge liar.
Motherhood is all about accepting “good enough” and relishing in the fact that, at the end of the day, your kids are happy and alive.
7. Stop Pushing Your Pre-Mom Friends Aside
Remember those people you were friends with before you had a baby? They know the true you and they are super important to keep around.
Maybe they don’t have kids, so maybe they don’t understand the monumental stress of motherhood, but they are still supportive of you as a person.
Integrating them into mom-life may be a challenge, but you deserve to surround yourself with people who love you and make you feel good about yourself – whether they also have children or not.
8. Stop Relying on Your Memory
Mom brain is very real and the more you try to rely on using your memory, the more disappointed you will be.
Accept the fact that your thinker will never be the same again and grab yourself a scheduler and start making to-do lists. Trust me, you’ll appreciate it at the end of the day when you’re not freaking out about some forgotten task.
Not only will this spare your sanity, but it will also improve your time management and help you sleep at night. Win-win-win!
9. Stop Trying to Take All of the Advice Your Receive
As soon as your baby emerges from your vagina, everyone and their dog has THE BEST parenting advice for you and they actually expect you to follow it.
Do you know who knows your baby better than you? Absolutely no one.
Advice should be taken with a grain of salt but, ultimately, you are your child’s mother and you know what’s best for them.
You’re really going to stress yourself out of you try to implement very piece of advice every given to you when it comes to parenting. Just sort through what feels right to you and screw anyone who gets upset about their ignored wisdom.
10. Stop Running to Facebook Mom Groups
Sure, there’s some nuggets of good information there, but mostly I find it’s unconfident moms reaching out for validation instead of following their own parental instincts.
And having a group to run to only feeds into their low confidence.
Plus you’re probably going to see responses and opinions that you don’t agree with. Instead of getting your panties in a twist and engaging with comments and pity-posts, it’s best just to walk away from FB mom groups altogether.
11. Stop Beating Yourself Up Over Your Body
Don’t like what you see when you look in the mirror? Yeah, me neither.
But I also did grow and carry a tiny human in my uterus for nine months AND pushed it out of my vagina. There’s no denying the toll this would take on my body.
Yes, I try to make healthy choices in order to lose weight but, at the end of the day, I don’t beat myself up for being overweight. This is a side-effect of having a child and, in all honesty, my daughter is worth every pound.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t address weight and health issues, but don’t obsess over it or define your self-worth by it.
12. Stop Feeling Guilty About EVERYTHING
OMG, mom guilt, am I right?
Moms feel bad about everything! I don’t spend enough time with my kid. I spend too much time with my kid. I don’t feed them enough healthy foods. My house isn’t clean enough. I wish the goblins would come and take my child right now.
This really ties into the idea of “perfection” that I mentioned before. You’ll never be a perfect mom, so there’s no point in feeling bad about it.
Are your kids still breathing? Yay! Do they love you? Awesome!
You’re doing a great job.
There Ya Go!
I hope these tips will help you find some sanity and balance in your life! 🙂
Got some ideas you want to add to this list? Throw them down in the comments below!