As hard as it is to deal with a relationship with a narcissist, leaving your partner can be just as difficult.

I spent two years trying to get away from mine.

So if you’re going through the same thing, I totally understand.

While you were in the relationship, your partner probably acted in certain ways to make you dependent on them.

And maybe to the point where you lost all confidence in being able to live without them.

They may have purposefully confused you using manipulation tactics like gaslighting and love-bombing.

They probably cut off your support system and forced you to turn to them for guidance and affection.

But don’t beat yourself up over not leaving sooner—you are not weak or stupid.

Narcissists carefully and strategically create situations that make it near impossible to leave.

However, it is possible to get out of these types of relationships.

Here are some things to do and think about if you want to leave your narcissistic partner:

Leaving the Narcissist: Knowing It’s Time to Go

Most victims of narcissistic abuse don’t live in a fantasy world where they really believe everything is perfect.

Yes, they might excuse the narcissist’s behaviors or try to fix things, but they know that the relationship is bad.

A lot of times, the struggle lies in figuring out the break point.

When do you reach the “enough is enough” stage and start to do what it takes to break up with a narcissist?

I knew my relationship with a narcissist was toxic and abusive, but I couldn’t break up with him.

He would thwart everything I tried, from threats to love-bombing to pity parties.

At the time, it was just easier to keep him around.

So I totally get it.

Then I got pregnant and that was my breaking point—no way was I raising a child with him!

I said, “Enough is enough,” and moved out while he was at work.

But even if you don’t have that A-HA moment, there are lots of other signs you can look for to tell that it’s time to pack up and go:

• You have a gut feeling that the relationship isn’t “right,” but nothing you do is making the situation better.
• You excuse what your partner does and defend them to other people.
• You are burning yourself out trying to give your partner love and support in hopes that they will change.
• You walk on eggshells and are scared to make a mistake because you are afraid you’ll anger your partner.
• Your partner never takes any responsibility for the way they treat and hurt you.
• You are becoming an anxious and angry person you don’t recognize.
• They have cut you off from friends and family, so you feel alone.
• You exist in a constant state of stress.

The most important thing about leaving a relationship with a narcissist is not waiting for things to get “better” because they never will. In fact, they will progressively get worse.

So if you have recognized that your relationship is toxic to the point that it’s ruining your life and mental state, it’s time to start your preparations to leave.

Prepare To Leave the Relationship With the Narcissist

While you can certainly walk out on your partner if you absolutely need to, I would definitely recommend you don’t if you can help it.

Many narcissists are vindictive and aggressive, and they will lash out at you for leaving.

If the situation is safe enough for you to prepare, please do so. Here are some steps you can follow:

• Talk to a lawyer, especially if you have kids together. You will need to sort out custody and access, so it’s best to get the ball rolling as soon as possible.
• Have a safe place to go. This can be with a friend, a family member, or even a shelter. Try to find a place that your partner doesn’t know about.
• Tell someone you trust about your plan to leave. You need someone else to be aware of the situation in case things go south.
• Set yourself up financially however you can. Look into social assistance programs if you need to, or consider getting a job if you don’t already have one.

Basically, you want to have everything ready so that you can walk right out the door and into a safe situation.

However, if the situation with your partner is abusive and you feel you are in danger, leave right away and go to the police.

Break-Up Via Text Message or Leave a Note

Don’t worry about etiquette when it comes to breaking up with a narcissist!

The last thing you need is to deal with their reaction face-to-face.

They will either get extremely mad or extremely “apologetic” and further confuse you to convince you to stay.

Send them a short text that clearly states that you are leaving. Don’t offer an explanation, and don’t express any emotion.

Nothing you say will register with them anyway, apart from the fact that you are breaking up. So just stick to the facts.

Like I said, when I left my ex, I simply packed up my stuff and moved out while I was at work.

When he came home, the message was loud and clear.

Prepare For The Aftermath

Chances are you narcissistic ex is not going to be happy that you broke up with them.

They may see this as a personal attack against them—how dare you leave them and force them to give up control?

Unfortunately, this may lead to aggression and violence in some cases.

But that doesn’t mean you should stay. It just means you need to be careful, thoughtful, and aware of the potential fallout.

When I broke up with my ex, I was constantly harassed (along with my friends and family).

Thankfully it never got violent, but it did lead to police involvement on more than one occasion (and an eventually peace bond…kind of like a restraining order but when it comes to contact and communication).

Contact the Police

If your ex does anything that makes you feel unsafe, contact the police and file a report, even if it’s not “breaking the law.”

Having it reported will help authorities track a pattern if the behaviors escalate.

Written Communication

You should also keep a record of what they are saying to you but keeping all communication in writing.

Don’t answer phone calls and avoid speaking to them face-to-face.

If you have to go to the police or end up in court for child custody or divorce, this can all be used as evidence.

Don’t Share Information & Don’t Engage

Don’t tell them where you are staying if you had to leave.

Change your phone number if you have to and open an email account solely for communication (if you need to stay in touch with them).

Otherwise, block them everywhere and don’t engage.

They’re going to stay and do things to get a reaction from you, so don’t give it to them.

I know it’s hard to stay calm when you are being constantly attacked with insults, accusations, and harassment, but trust me when I say the best thing you can do is ignore.

Starve them out.

Co-Parenting

If you have children together, meet in public places to exchange them for parenting time.

Again, keep all communication in writing and avoid face-to-face conversations when possible.

When you do communicate, only talk about the children and keep your tone neutral.

I write a lot about co-parenting with narcissists, so if you haven’t seen the rest of the blog, you can find tons of info here!

Take Care Of Yourself

Leaving a narcissist and dealing with the aftermath can be stressful, but the ordeal isn’t over when things calm down.

It’s in that space that you may start to question yourself.

What did I do wrong? Why did I deserve this? Could I have done anything differently?

It’s not fair and it really sucks.

These assholes take and hurt and then you’re left to pick up the pieces.

Narcissistic abuse is real and it can strip you of your sense of self and break you down mentally.

But you can heal from that abuse and find yourself again!

I look back on my relationship with my ex and what happened and I hate it.

But at the same time, I can’t help but feel that I came out the other end and stronger person.

You Can Leave a Relationship with a Narcissist

Even if you feel trapped you in a relationship, that doesn’t mean you are stuck and can’t leave.

And even if you don’t think you have the strength to leave, you have the ability to take the necessary steps to end the relationship and begin to repair your life.

Sometimes it’s just a matter of taking one step at a time and learning that getting away is possible.

I, unfortunately, did not have this sort of guideline when I left my ex.

In the course of one day, I decided it was time to go, packed my stuff, and left. I had no idea what to expect afterward.

Now that you know how to prepare to leave a relationship with a narcissist and deal with the aftermath, it’s time to start getting your ducks in a row and peacing out of a garbage relationship.

You deserve better! <3