Co-parenting at Christmas can be stressful when it comes to splitting time with your ex. However, with some pre-planning, you can avoid drama and shenanigans.

Especially if you’re dealing with a difficult co-parent who likes to cause chaos with schedules just to make things difficult.

But even if you’re ex isn’t out to make your life hell, figuring out the logistics of Christmas schedules can be a nightmare if you’re not careful.

Kids should spend time with both parents during the holidays, but how do you make that work when scheduling conflicts and other challenges get in the way?

Number one, of course, is to get your ducks in a row as soon as possible to avoid arguments and misunderstandings during the holidays.

Along with that, here are some other ways you can figure out splitting Christmas with your co-parent:

1 Plan in Advance

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So, yeah, very first thing you should do and as early as November if possible.

Things may change before Christmas (life happens), but having a plan is a framework that you and your ex can work around.

Here are some tips to get a plan in place:

• Outline Your Plans in Writing: This gives both parties a clear idea of what the holidays will look like. It also holds everyone accountable and helps avoid arguments.
• Use a Shared Calendar: You can use a shared Google calendar or a parenting app like OurFamilyWizard to make sure everyone is on the same page.
• Stick to the Plan: Try to be consistent with your co-parenting Christmas plans as much as possible.
• Be Flexible: But remember that things can change last minute, so it’s important to be understanding and flexible. Have back-up plans in place.

In a perfect world, this planning phase would go off without a hitch with productive conversation between both parents.

However, not all co-parents are agreeable, which is why having things in writing is super important to avoid accusations and “Oh, I didn’t know I agreed to that” bullshit.

2 Be Flexible and Understanding

Again, it’s important to approach Christmas co-parenting with flexibility and understanding.

Having a cooperative mindset with your ex during the holidays and being open to reasonable requests are going to save you from headaches if things do change.

Now, tread carefully here if your ex tends to manipulate schedules and agreements.

My ex used to love to change his mind last minute at Christmas just to throw my schedule into chaos.

That’s why those written plans are so important—if your ex tries to screw around, you can always go back to what was written down.

Otherwise, be open to switching days or changing plans when it’s reasonable.

The goal is to keep the holidays smooth and stress free for your kiddos.

3 Put Your Children First

Because your kids are at the heart of co-parenting!

And their best interests should be the main priority when it comes to making Christmas plans with your ex.

If your ex is combative, choose your battles and steer clear of unnecessary conflicts. If they’re asking for a simple switch in plans, it might be worth the peace just to give it to them.

You should also take what your children want into consideration too.

Maybe they want to spend Christmas Eve with their other for the first time this year. If it’s possible, it’s worth letting them have the experience they want.

4 Plan for Bad Weather

If you live in a colder climate, don’t forget to plan for bad weather! 

Make sure you have a contingency plan if travel is not possible.

For example, if you can’t get your child to their other parent Christmas morning because of a storm, plan to have them there for Boxing Day.

While most people would be understanding of this, a difficult co-parent will take this as an opportunity to stir up nonsense.

This happened to me one year, and my ex was furious that he had to wait until the next day. He blamed my mother and I for *checks notes* planning a storm to ruin his Christmas.

I mean, even having a contingency plan wouldn’t have prevented this stupidness, but who knows…it’s definitely worth having one in place.

5 Gift Giving

When it comes to gift giving, the best thing you can do is coordinate with your ex and share your child’s Christmas list.

Not only does this prevent double gifts (sorry, kid), but it allows you both a chance to split the gifts fairly so your kiddo has two balanced Christmases.

However…

If your ex is difficult, this is probably not going to happen.

And what can happen is the whole gift thing turning into a competition.

Trust me, trying to keep up with your ex’s gifts is not worth the stress and hassle. All it’s going to do is turn Christmas into a power struggle.

Just focus on what you can get your kid, what you know will bring your kid joy, and let your ex do their own thing.

And if they buy the same gift you did for your kid? Keep the receipts and let your kiddo pick out something else they’ll love.

6 Traditions

Probably one of the most important things you can do for your child at Christmas is try to maintain the traditions they are used to.

Do they get pajamas from the elves Christmas Eve? Make sure that happens no matter whose home they’re in.

Do you go to their grandparents’ on Christmas Day? Put that in your co-parenting plan.

While you’re not going to be able to keep each and every single tradition, work with your ex to keep the core ones that your child looks forward to.

And encourage your ex to participate.

But if your ex won’t play fair or if there are certain traditions you have to let go of (especially ones that involved both parents), this is a perfect opportunity to create your own!

Come up with new, special traditions that are unique to your home and that give your child’s something to look forward to.

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7 Prepare for Transitions

Once you have a plan in place, let your child know ahead of time so they know what to expect.

Not only does this create a sense of safety for your child, but it also helps with transitions between households.

One of the crappiest things about co-parenting is having your kid do things they may not necessarily want to do.

Even though I said that your kids should be the priority when creating a co-parenting Christmas schedule, they still have to spend time with their other parent even if they’re not feeling it.

So the best thing you can do is lay out the plan for them as well as letting them know what to expect afterward.

“This year you’re going to spend Christmas morning with your dad, then I’m going to pick you up at lunch and you get to open more presents!”

Also, when you are handing your kiddo off to your ex, keep your goodbyes warm and calm.

I know how tough it is when your kid is resistant, but staying calm and positive (even when you’re not feeling it) is the best thing you can do for them.

8 Let Go of Perfection

Guess what? Christmas isn’t perfect for anyone!

Even if you and your ex were still happily together, you’re not going to have a Pinterest Christmas.

So don’t get hung up on it while you’re trying to co-parenting. You’re not going to do yourself any favors.

Instead, focus on connecting with your kids and create a fun experience for them.

It’s surprising how easy kids are to please!

They’re not going to remember how perfect Christmas was—they’re going to remember how special and fun and carefree and happy it was with you.

Also, as a side note, if you do have a difficult or narcissistic co-parent, there’s nothing you can do about how they approach Christmas…and it sucks when they make it sucky for your kid.

However, your ex gets to define their relationship with their child and how they create holiday memories for them.

The best you can do is your best in your home! And, trust me, your kids will appreciate it. <3

9 Anticipate Challenges

No one is perfect, even co-parents who make an honest effort to coordinate things like Christmas.

So there may be times when the two of you disagree, waffle with the schedule, or can’t seem to find a compromise.

Or, if you’re in camp “My Ex is a Narcissistic Co-Parent,” you’re going to face challenges at every turn.

For those who can’t seem to resolve any sort of conflict with their ex, here are issues that may come up and how you can deal with them:

• Manipulation: Narcissists may use manipulation tactics to control or undermine your holiday plans. They may purposefully schedule things during your plans. Stick to the plans you agreed upon, and don’t be flexible in these situations.
• Refusal to Cooperate: Your co-parent may argue with you simply for the sake of not agreeing with you. Or they may refuse to cooperate because it doesn’t align with their interests. Ask yourself if the issue is worth battling over – if not, just let it go.
• Inconsistent Commitments: A narcissistic co-parent may change plans or not show up, which disrupts the stability of your child’s holiday. Honestly, just roll with it and use the time to make holiday memories with your kiddos. Again, keep track of these inconsistencies and address them after Christmas.

Just make sure you don’t obsess over these potential challenges! Keep them in the back of your mind so you’re prepared should they happen.

10 Get a Court Order

When all else fails, you can always get a court order.

A court order is a legal document that outlines the “rules” of co-parenting – where children will spend the holidays, the days and times, who drives for pick-ups and drop-offs, etc.

In fact, a court order will detail these things for the entire year, but with a mention of Christmas.

Although you may have to follow “rules” you don’t love, a court order will keep your ex accountable. If they break the terms, they get in trouble.

Navigating the Holidays With a Narcissistic Co-Parent

There you go! Even though your narcissistic ex is likely going to try and make a mess of the holidays, there are ways you can keep them from doing so.

Co-parenting at Christmas is just a matter of making clear plans and staying ahead of your ex’s nonsense.

I know it’s exhausting and the last thing you want to think about during the holidays – but it’s the best way to guarantee that your children have an amazing time!