Does it feel like the weight of the world is pushing down on your shoulders?

Do you feel guilty because you struggle to get it all done?

As a mom, I totally get it.

And as a single mom, I get it 100000%.

Between taking care of kids, a partner, a home, finances, work, meals, and much more, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and burnt out.

Being a mom is physically and emotionally exhausting and when you continually give your everything to everyone else, you have nothing left for yourself.

That’s why you need boundaries!

Establishing mom boundaries means knowing when to say “no” as well as cutting things out of your life that no longer serve you.

So let’s talk about how you can actually set healthy boundaries in your life to reduce mom stress and chip away at that overwhelm:

The Importance of Boundaries in Parenting

Boundaries are limits that we create in order to protect our physical space and mental health.

We use boundaries to control how other people treat us and stay focused on our priorities.

We teach people how to treat us by what we allow them to do to us.

By setting boundaries, you establish the rules of how you want to be treated despite what others may think, feel, or believe.

This applies to all areas of your life like your kids, your partner, your co-workers, your family, your friends – and anyone you interact with.

Not having boundaries as a mom creates stress because it invites people to take advantage of you.

Boundaries are all about setting limits, defining expectations, and making yourself a priority.

Setting Boundaries Without the Guilt

As a mom, making yourself a priority can be difficult.

We almost automatically put the needs of others before our own, even if it’s not our family. 

But the guilt of saying “no” makes you feel like you should ignore your own needs and help other people with their responsibilities.

The more those people come to rely on you, the more they will weigh you down.

When you set boundaries, you force people to deal with their own problems and find their own solutions.

So, in a way, you’re doing them a favor!

What is Depleted Mother Syndrome?

I just came across this term, and it’s a really fascinating way to highlight the importance of boundaries.

Depleted Mother Syndrome (DMS) happens when the demands on a mother increase and her resources decrease.

When this imbalance occurs, the mother’s sensitivity to both internal and external triggers increases.

Basically, when you have to do it all with no support or reprieve, you feel like you’re going koo-koo bananas.

I know that not all moms raising children can access a wealth of physical, emotional, and financial support.

What they can do is know their limits and mom within them.

This means knowing yourself and understanding what is really important to you and how much you can handle.

For instance, I have a mom friend who will drop what she’s doing and help immediately. She usually offers help before it’s even asked.

I, on the other hand, have issues with anxiety and overwhelm, so I am very careful about spreading myself too thin.

When I do, I burn out.

So she and I have very different limits. This doesn’t make us any better or worse than the other. In fact, I think this makes us both awesome moms!

Because we know our limits and always have time to prioritize ourselves so we can be the best mothers to our children.

So, if you struggle to increase your resources as your demands increase, you can at least set mom boundaries to reduce some of that physical and emotional exhaustion.

How to Create and Set Healthy Boundaries as a Mom

I’m sure there have been many times in your life when you tried to set a boundary and it didn’t work. 

What boundaries you set and how you communicate them are important in making sure they are effective and respected.

You also have to respect yourself and be consistent with your boundaries!

Here are some ways you can set boundaries in order to reduce mom stress and live a more peaceful life:

Define Your Limits

So, we already talked about playing within your limits, but it’s important to know what those limits are.

Take time to think about what you are willing to tolerate and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed.

Keep in mind that you don’t have to define these limits in stone. You can discover them as they are pushed and set boundaries accordingly.

For example, I had a friend who always borrowed money because she couldn’t make it paycheque to paycheque.

She always paid it back, but she did nothing to change her spending habits.

Over time this stressed me out because I was frustrated that my healthy spending habits were funding her bad ones – so I set my boundary and cut her off.

The friendship faded away after that.

So even if you don’t know what your limits are, be sure to put your foot down when they have been pushed.

Be Direct and Assertive

More often than not, you don’t have to spell out your boundaries to people in your life.

Most decent individuals are capable of both assuming healthy boundaries and picking up on cues when they’ve overstepped them.

Most.

There are times when you will have to be more direct, and not because the rest suck.

Some people may have different personalities or a different approach to things.

But that doesn’t mean you have to accept their treatment if you don’t like it.

People can’t read minds, so you may have to assertively communicate when they have crossed a boundary.

Prioritize Your Self-Care

Self-care is not a luxury—it’s a necessity.

As a mom, you’re allowed to take care of yourself.

This means not only pampering yourself but finding ways to reduce stress in your life.

This means recognizing that your feelings are important and that you deserve to feel good too.

Sometimes, you need to set boundaries to make sure your needs are met.

This doesn’t make you a self-centered bitch that refuses to do anything for anyone else.

It makes you better able to take care of yourself and your family.

Examples of Mom Boundaries

Apart from people expecting you to do things, there are many other boundaries you can set for yourself.

Here are some areas in which mom boundaries can apply:

• Physical Boundaries: personal space, privacy, body
• Mental Boundaries: thoughts, values, opinions
• Emotional Boundaries: separating feelings and responsibilities
• Sexual Boundaries: limits when it comes to sexual activities
• Material Boundaries: your stuff and who can use/access it
• Life Boundaries: protect your way of life, keep away negativity, choose how you use your time

Remember that you are allowed to set boundaries in any of these areas without feeling guilty!

Setting Boundaries to Reduce Mom Stress

One of the biggest mom stresses of life is not having enough time to do everything for everyone.

By setting boundaries, you can avoid overwhelm and live a more peaceful life!

The more you say “no” to the things you don’t want to do and are not responsible for, the more you will notice how open and airy your life has become.

How do you set boundaries? Let me know in the comments!