They say that motherhood is no joke – but that doesn’t mean you can’t joke about motherhood!

I’m sure that if we didn’t wake our experiences as mothers with a grain of salt we would go absolutely mad. That’s why I wanted to put together some hilarious tweets about motherhood that sum up the true comedic experience of being a mother.

Enjoy!

1. OMG I Hate Slime

Yes, I have regrets in my parenting. I have made slime before.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 9, 2021

When I was a kid, we had Playdoh – it was fun, it was creative and it didn’t resemble a bowl of boogers!

2. Slime is the Devil!

The proper way to dispose of slime is to throw it into a pit of fire and curse it to hell right? Just checking.

— Avocado Mama (@HeatherStenwall) April 1, 2021

Speaking of slime, make sure you probably dispose of this devil’s snot.

3. RIP Pet Leaf

Prayers for my distraught 4yo whose pet leaf just blew away in a gust of wind

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) April 9, 2021

I once got mad at God because my pet caterpillar blew away and my mom told me it was because God wanted him to go back to nature.

4. It Only Lasts an Eternity a Couple of Years

Parenting WILL get easier, I promise. Unless you have a toddler. In that case, you’re just screwed. Sorry about your luck.

— Christina Crawford (@Xtina_Crawford) April 9, 2021

After my pregnancy and childbirth, I was so open to the idea of having more kids – until the toddler stage happened. I noped out of that idea so fast.

5. What is the Reason? (Asking for a Friend)

My daughter asked why she can’t eat tacos every day and honestly, I’d have an easier time explaining where babies come from.

— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) April 6, 2021

After my daughter started Googling “how are babies made”, I did find that explaining where babies come from is much easier than justifying the reasoning behind why tacos cannot be eaten every day.

6. The Math is Sound

My son who has just learned how babies are made looked at me and my husband then at his two brothers and said ‘you guys had three sexes right’ so sometimes having kids is kind of alright

— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) July 3, 2020

I actually came to the same conclusion as a kid – my parents only had sex a total of two times during their relationship. At least, that’s what I wanted to believe.

7. Keeping it Realistic

The kids were bored so I suggested they play with any of the 8000 toys we have in the house and then we all laughed as I turned on Netflix

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) July 3, 2020

My daughter has two rooms full of toys yet commits her time to watch annoying YouTubers who feel the need to yell a lot. I miss the days of noisy toys that don’t turn off.

8. Kraft Dinner and Hot Dogs for Days

At my daughter’s 4-year checkup, the doctor said she should be eating a varied diet and to make sure she’s eating a good amount from each food group and I think she said a bit about trying new foods but not sure cause I got distracted wondering if she’d ever actually met a 4yo.

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) June 11, 2020

Hahahahahahahahahaha. Yeah, right.

9. Where’s the Mute Button?

I always thought I’d be a patient mom.

And then I had to listen to my son tell a story.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 1, 2020

This is why Yoda got so annoyed with Luke blathering on that he up and died.

10. It Probably Burns Brain Cells…

If listening to your kid tell a story burned calories, I’d be invisible.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 13, 2020

Can you imagine the marketing potention? Rent out your kid for weight loss!

11. I’ll Take a Map!

Does anyone have directions to that village everyone says will raise my children?

It sounds wonderful.

— Not Your Trending Mom (@notyrtrendngmom) July 2, 2020

I too am waiting for these directions because apparently I’m living in the wrong village.

12. Kid Wanted a Toy, I Didn’t Want to Buy Toy, Kid has Toy (Repeat for Eternity)

My daughter wanted to keep a few rocks from the lake, but I said no, and anyway that’s why there are rocks in my purse.

— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) July 3, 2020

I’ve consumed many pizzas by this very logic. “Mom, can we get pizza?” “no.” *Eats pizza.

13. Creativity at Its Finest

Unless you are prepared for someone to yell “MOMMY, I HAVE A TAIL!” and then show you a sock wedged between their little buttcheeks, you are not ready for motherhood.

Heed my warning

— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@AnecdtlBrthCtrl) June 27, 2020

My daughter once figured out that she could hold a plastic egg between her butt cheeks and poop it out like a chicken.

14. It’s a Sacrifice I’m Willing to Make

A pandemic is no excuse for excessive screen time. Study after study has shown that electronics are harmful to young minds. I’ve made the difficult decision to limit my children’s iPad use to no more than 14 hours a day and I hope you do the same.

— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) May 3, 2020

Done.

15. Do Doctors Understand What Children Are?

Took my kids to the pediatrician yesterday and I told her we’ve barely left the house in 5 months and then she looked at me in all seriousness and asked how much screen time they were getting. I mean… c’mon, lady, read. the. room.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) August 15, 2020

I owe YouTube my sanity during the pandemic.

So True, Right?

Drop your hilarious mom experiences in the comments below! I may just use them in a future post (with permission, of course!). 😉

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